Sex without obligation and escape from intimacy or freedom to love and be happy? We figure out what polyamoria is and what you need to be prepared for the choice of non -humane relationships.

Polyamoria is often confused with polygamy and open relations, although only one thing is related: the possibility of sexual connection not only with a permanent partner. In fact, polyiamor relations are built on the idea that each of us can be in a love relationship (share not only a bed, but also everyday life) with several people at the same time. Polyamoria is primarily “amor”, love, and “poli” is a pleasant bonus.


is the peculiarity of polyamoria? Psychologists and adherents of polyamoria Dussi Iston and Katherine A. The sheet is noted: “When we are looking for a partner for life, we need a lot of things from it: similar values, common interests, cool sex, the same gastronomic tastes. And you can find mutual understanding with a much wider circle of people – you just need to stop trying them on the role of “together and forever” 1 .

In exchange for the search for the “same” person, Polyiamore gets the opportunity to choose and self -knowledge. After all, even sex with different partners allows you to detect new manifestations of their personality – for example, through such types of proximity that the main partner is not interesting.

Polyiamority test

It is important to remember that polyamoria is not suitable for everyone. First of all, this is not a way to stir up or establish relationships that do not suit you – if your pair already has problems, then the appearance of other people can only strengthen their manifestations. First ask yourself if you are good with your partner, do you really want to be with him. Maybe you are out of habit to remain in relationships that have long outlined? In this case, you should first listen to yourself and your desires, and then look for happiness in another (or others).

Many are trying to become polyamers under the influence of partners or surroundings and eventually feel unhappy. In the pair, both should be equally ready and interested in such changes, so healthy polyiamor relations through self -sacrifice are impossible.

Next step: it is worth determining how “compatible” with non -humane relationships. If you do not want to share your partner with another person and have no emotional forces to maintain close relationships with someone else-polyamoria will not suit you.

Code of Polyiamor Relations

The common idea that polyamores refuse monogamia, because they avoid responsibility is nothing more than a stereotype. In polyiamor relations, not only the issues characteristic of more familiar forms of communication are preserved, but new, specific ones are added: “Will my partner like my new girlfriend?”,” How to find time and effort on all partners?”,” What to say to the child?”And solve them without taking responsibility for your life, will not be able to.

As in any other respects, the rules are important in polyamoria – conscious, mutually agreed and flexible. Regardless of what they relate to the budget, at home or sexual relations, agreements are based on care for feelings. It will have to decide whether what you want will be comfortable for your partner, is it important for your relationship. The trial period – the limited time of the agreement – will show what to do next with it. If she does not work as we would like, then it can be reviewed or completely removed.

There is no official set of rules – even the concept of “treason” depends on the agreements of the partners themselves. For one it turns out to be important that the partner always spent the night at home, for the other – that his partner coordinates the choice of lovers with him. Sometimes the responsibilities of the parties do not coincide: what hurts one can be unimportant for the second. So there is a betrayal in polyameric relationships, and it is not about sex as such, but about violation of agreements.

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